Month: February 2016

Psalm 139:1-6

/ Honey Gilmer

 1 Lord, you have seen what is in my heart. You know all about me.2 You know when I sit down and when I get up. You know what I’m thinking even though you are far away.3 You know when I go out to work and when I come back home. You know exactly how I… live.  4 Lord, even before I speak a word, you know all about it. 5 You are all around me. You are behind me and in front of me. You hold me in your power. 6 I’m amazed at how well you know me. It’s more than I can understand.

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What are You Afraid of?

/ Honey Gilmer / 2 Comments

I remember right after I left my husband and the first weekend he had the kids.  It was the first weekend I was by myself.  I didn’t know what to do with myself!  I was in an apartment complex, surrounded by people living their lives and I was terrified to be myself.

I made it through Friday night by working late at the office.  I made it through Saturday by cleaning.  But Saturday night was moving up on me.  I didn’t want to go to a bar.  I wasn’t ready to be around single men.  I was still married.  I was missing my kids like crazy.  What to do?  Go to a movie?  No…  I couldn’t do that.  Go to a restaurant?  Nope, not by myself.

Now I look back and remember how powerless I felt.  I felt like my ex-husband had kept me in such a tight trap that I didn’t feel I could actually enjoy myself without guilt.  I finally did make myself go to a movie.  I remember feeling embarrassed as I stood in line to get my ticket.  I just KNEW that people were looking at me funny.

What I didn’t know was that:

  1. Those people could have cared less if I was there by myself or not!
  2. That God had sent His son to die for my sins; which gave me a LIFE to LIVE!
  3. That it was OK to have fun.  It was OK to spend a few dollars on myself as long as it didn’t take away from the children.
  4. It was OK to laugh out loud.

By the end of my 18 years of single-living, I had flown to different states…  some for business and some for pleasure!  I had rented a rental car in another state and just drove and took pictures!  I even went camping by myself a few times.  The featured pic on this blog is of my little tent that I bought.  When I went to sleep, I was surrounded by campers and when I woke up, I was all by myself!  Little did I know there was a major storm on the way.  I went to town for some supplies and came back to see this sign waiting for me…

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Some park rangers found me sitting by the sign hoping that I could get back to my tent!  I think I was the only person camping in the whole park.  They escorted me through some back roads and through a rushing flood zone.  They said, “Follow me.  If your car stars to go sideways, jump.  We’ll grab you.”  My heart was RACING!

I made it to the tent OK, but that night the adventure became almost became life-threatening when a tornado came up the canyon and uprooted my tent with me in it!  I can tell you that I was scurrying for my car at 4:00 in the morning…  in the dark.   When I woke up, there was a rattlesnake laying on a boulder in front of my car.  I could also see that my little Rav4 was covered in red clay.  And you know what?  I LOVED IT!  People were honking at me for hours when I was back on the interstate going home.  I was pumped!  I had faced an adventure with God as my only protection and He brought me through.   And look at this pic that I still got!

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I can tell you that my heart was pumping with adrenalin for DAYS!  So ladies, what fears do you have that stop you from doing something?  What keeps you firmly planted in your rut?  While I don’t recommend camping during Flood Season, I DO recommend stepping out of your comfort zone and taking a chance!  God wants us to have an ABUNDANT LIFE!  That doesn’t necessarily mean that He wants us to be rich in monetary things, but it DOES mean that he wants our lives to be filled with abundant LIVING!  And we’re living for Christ, our lives become so full!

An abundant life can be lived without having a warm body to cuddle with and having sex outside of marriage.  It’s found in the hugs from our friends.  It’s being there when someone is hurt and it is stepping out of our comfort zones and asking God what HE wants us to do!  WHOO HOOO!!!

John 10:10:

10″The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. “  #GodlyWomen

Consequences of Unblessed Sex

/ Honey Gilmer / 3 Comments

I know we have Godly men that read this, but I’m speaking to the women in VERY general terms.  So please don’t take this personally!  OK, here goes…

Everyone knows that the following are possible (probable) consequences of sex outside of marriage:

 

  •  Unwanted baby(ies)
  •  STDs
  •  Broken heart

Those are rough enough, but I’d like for you to ponder on the following:

Once a woman has sex with someone outside of marriage, it’s instant intimacy.  There’s no need to hide your body, or put on makeup, or even (for some people), close the bathroom door!    Relationships seem to slide into a routine WAY too soon.  Things get into a rut that focuses on sex and only sex.  Pretty soon you’re staying at home and no longer going on dates.    Assuming you don’t move in together, you still find yourselves spending all your time at one home or the other.  The woman starts getting antsy and starts nagging or starts become introspective wondering if this man really loves her enough.  Maybe you get all dressed up for a Saturday night date, and you end up watching TV instead.  You start wondering if he’ll ever propose!

 

The guy, of course, is pretty content!  Why would he want to rock the boat?  But yet, at a deeper level, there’s even more going on.  God has not blessed this union, so even if the guy is not a Christian, there’s a level of respect he’s lost for her.  Little things like holding doors open, saying “thank you”, “please”, “after you” gradually come to a disappointing halt.

But ladies, I can tell you this…  If you hold out for the man who’s willing to live his life doing God’s will and LIVING his life inside of God’s will, those “little things” stay as a part of your marriage.  Yes, after a few years, things should start falling into a routine, but the common courtesies that were there BEFORE the marriage, STAY there because your husband didn’t use these courtesies to get you into bed.  He continues to use them because they are a part of who he really is.  Does that makes sense?  I hope so.  If I can get one person to pause and look at her life and where she wants it to be, then my passion and desire to help will not be for naught!

God bless each and every one of you.  Never forget that you are loved by the Creator of this earth and the Author of your life!

#GodlyWomen

Are You Compromising?

/ Honey Gilmer

Have you ever asked yourself if maybe you’re slipping on things that you compromise on, and then wonder why Mr. Right really isn’t?  In particular, I’m talking about if the guy calls himself a Christian, but doesn’t go to church, doesn’t serve in church, won’t pray, etc, but you think there are “possibilities” and you continue to date him, is that necessarily a good compromise?  Personally speaking, I don’t think so.

If God is first in our lives, and He should be; If we want a man to sit next to us in a church service; If we want a man to pray over us, with us, and for us; then we CAN NOT compromise on this!

But, you ask, how can I judge someone?  The Bible says I shouldn’t!  Aha!  Yes, but it does tell us to judge by the fruits of Christians, right? 

 “15 Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravening wolves.  16 By their fruits ye shall know them. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?  17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but the corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.  18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.”  Matthew 7:15-18 

If a man calls himself a Christian, then we are allowed to judge him and we SHOULD!  Do you really want to invest yourself in a relationship where YOU are the one trying to change someone when God is telling us to be equally yoked and to judge by their fruits?  It’s almost always guaranteed failure.  Other things you can compromise on (the every day, small things), but going to church, serving, praying…  these should be FIRST on your list and never, ever should they be compromised on.   “Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.” 1 Timothy 6:12

#Godlywomen

No Sex? Really, God? But I’m Divorced!

/ Honey Gilmer

I remember after 11 years of being married and going out “into the world”, I discovered REAL sex.  My husband was my “first” and I didn’t have much experience beyond that.  No we did not wait to have sex.  If I had told him no, we would never have been married.  (There’s something to be learned here, ladies!)  There were good and bad things about getting back into the dating world and not knowing The Truth.

Back then, I truly believed that only virgins were supposed to wait to have sex.  I had never picked up the Bible and I even had the misbegotten notion that the word “fornication” meant cheating on someone.  Wow.  I could say I was really stupid, but I was just very  ignorant.  I had never sought out the truth.  But God had to allow me to go down some really bad, lonely, and even immoral paths in order to WANT to seek out the truth and LEARN!  So I learned things the hard way first…

I learned that sex can be GREAT!  Who would have thought that would be a revelation after years of marriage?  But I also learned a few things the hard way.  (I’m very hard-headed).  I learned that if I had sex with a guy the same night I met him, that it would DEFINITELY be a one-night stand.  (duh…)  Wasn’t THAT a no-brainer (I say this, looking back with 20/20 glasses).  I learned  that when a guy didn’t call, it HURT!  I felt used.  I learned that if they did want me around, it was only for one thing and that lasted until something new came along.  Most of these are no-brainers for mature, Christian women.  But I wasn’t a Christian, though I thought I was.

Have you ever glued two pieces of construction paper together?  Visualize pasting a piece of pink paper to a piece of blue paper.  Let the glue dry.  Now pull the pieces of paper apart.   You can’t?  It tears?  It also leaves pieces of blue on the pink and pieces of pink on the blue.  This is symbolic of sex.  It’s meant for marriage (no tearing or holes)!  Every time a man and woman have sex, they are “one”.  If you have a one-night stand, you have just permanently torn a small piece of your soul!  If you’ve slept with man after man and he’s slept with a lot of women…  that’s a lot of tearing.

Now picture taking those same pink and blue pieces and gluing them to other pinks and blues.  Try to take them apart.  There are now other pink pieces on blue pieces on pink pieces, etc. etc.  Get the picture?  it’s the same with sex.  We’re tearing our souls and leaving pieces, whether it’s in our emotional love tanks, unwanted memories that pop up, unwanted men that pop up, diseases, or even unwanted pregnancies.  That’s a lot of risk for a few moments of unblessed behavior, isn’t it?  This is true whether you’re a 16-year-old virgin or a 55-year-old divorced woman.

God has a wonderful plan for sex.  He has a definite and wonderful plan for YOU!  I would love it if anyone of you would take a pink and blue piece of construction paper, glue them together in a way that you can see both colors and then frame it somehow.  This would be a definite reminder of God’s plans.  You could even write a Bible verse on it or below it.

Here are some suggestions:

Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “The two,”  He says, “shall become one flesh.” (1 Cor 6:16)

…Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. (1 Cor 6:13b)

Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.  (1 Cor 6:19-20)

Be blessed, my sisters and please place some weight on this advise.  It’s sent to you with the truest of concerns and love.  You are loved by our wonderful Creator.  Embrace it and rejoice!  God bless!

In a Rut?

/ Honey Gilmer

I truly, truly believe that one of the worst things that can happen to people in general, but single women, in particular, is letting fear stop us from doing things. We talk ourselves out of trying something, going somewhere, or making life-changing decisions because of fear. Did you know that the commandment, “Fear not…” is in the Bible 365 times?

I believe, to the bottom of my heart, that it’s in the moments that we’re feeling fear and we do it anyway that we start freeing ourselves to live the life God has in mind for us! And for those that were raised by a single Mom, doesn’t that fear also keep us trapped in the same life that we watched our Mom live? Part of that reason is we saw life lived a certain way AND our Moms, God bless them, may be putting their fears onto us with well-meant advice…

Ladies! Fear is a tool used by the enemy and it keeps us stuck in our ruts! If you are experiencing a life full of shackles, I challenge you to do something different today and tomorrow and the next day! As long as the result is breaking free of something; if it means a better life for you and yours; or even if it only brings a few minutes of fun; or maybe someone else is blessed… then DO it! Pray about the shackles that bind you and keep you rooted in your rut. Pray to our most powerful Father. God does not keep us in our shackles. It is Satan, through and through.

So here is another challenge. You did something for someone yesterday, right? (If not, do it today!) Today pray for freedom in Christ. Pray that the rut you are in releases you. Now that may mean it fills with water so that you can float out.  Hang on!  You’re not drowning! Let God be God. He loves you so much.  He’s your eternal floating device!

So why not start with a new schedule? Call your church or a local hospital or Women’s shelter and see if they need a volunteer.  If you’re  a single Mom, maybe there’s something you can do with your child’s school.  Maybe there’s another single Mom who just needs a break.   Pray about it and do what God leads you to do. And when you feel that familiar fear creeping in as you get out of your comfort zone, just say, “I love you, Lord.” The darkness can not stay in the presence of Light!

God bless you, my sisters!

Godly Women Waiting for Godlly Men

/ Honey Gilmer

Re-posting.  Website was down!  Sorry for the confusion.

After 17 years, my book has come to fruition.  Thank you Lord for using my pain, using my life, to be able to try and touch the lives of others.  If you are wondering if God has a word about your sex life, I invite you to add my book to your list of resources in successful Christian dating!  God bless!  To order my book, please go to http://www.honeygilmer.com .  #Godlywomen #Dating

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at honey@honeygilmer.com

Honey Gilmer, Author

 

L-A-U-G-H!

/ Honey Gilmer

I was talking with a single woman the other day, who is actually a doctor.   She’s also a Christian.  We started talking about the journey that God had allowed me to take while I was single and she looked at me and asked, “How’d you do that?  How did you manage to be happy, celibate, AND still end up with a wonderful man?  Did you just wait…  patiently?”

I had to think about that for a minute.  How do you give a short answer for almost 19 years of being single?  Finally, I told her that I made sure that I laughed.  She appeared a bit puzzled by my answer.  So I explained the following:

The first 7 years after my divorce, I was not a Christian and I was making very bad choices.  At the least, the choices were bad in God’s eyes.  In the world’s eyes, I was a normal divorced woman trying to find a guy!  So my choices mostly revolved around “chemistry” and longing for that “spark” when looking for Mr. Right.  Then I became a Christian and all of that changed…  (Gradually)

After I fully accepted that sex outside of marriage was against God’s will, I had to find something else to hang onto besides finding a man!  That was tough!  I was 39 years old and giving up my search for Mr. Right was a hard pill to swallow.  So was the thought of possibly living a celibate life for the rest of my days on earth.  But I did get it resolved deep into my way of thinking.  No more man-hunting!  So now what?

I made my new life designed to not only helping others, but finding something to do to LAUGH!  I joined a singles Bible Study.  Sure, there were some things I couldn’t afford to do, like scuba lessons and trips to great diving spots, but I COULD afford a movie now and then and dinner with friends.  I could afford to go to people’s homes and play games.  I could afford a retreat every now and then.  And I DID these things!  And guess what?  I made friends!  And guess what?  We laughed!  I took men off the shelf!  And God took ME off the shelf in order to work on me.  He’s STILL working on me, but I love Him so much for loving me enough to do that.

His rewards are great, my friends!  If we’re not rewarded here, we will be rewarded in Heaven.  I’d rather have the second one, anyway!  Right?  So find some reasons to smile.  Find an activity that makes you laugh, even if it’s playing Scrabble with your kids.  But LAUGH!  It truly is good for you!  Laugh while be obedient to God’s expectations of us.  You will be blessed in some way!

Now go out into that crazy world of the flesh, hold you head up, throw you shoulders back and know that you are loved by the Creator of the Universe and L-A-U-G-H!  You are loved!  God bless you!

Your Friends

/ Honey Gilmer

2nd Timothy 2:22 says,”Run from anything that stimulates youthful lust. Follow anything that makes you want to do right. Pursue faith and love and peace, and enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.” (NLT)

This scripture is so basic for the single woman.  It’s telling us to stay away from situations where we might just lose control.   You know your weaknesses and that means sometimes having to tell your friends “no” when they’re trying to get you to go somewhere that you’re not comfortable with.  But if they’re truly friends, you won’t have to constantly say no because they will be uplifting you and holding you accountable in your decisions as well as you being able to hold them accountable.  “Follow anything that makes you want to do right.” (Emphasis is mine.)  A godly friend will make you want to walk the right path!

“Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.”  Yes, we want that in a mate, but we also want that in our friends!  As a matter of fact, anything that you are looking for in a mate, you should be looking for in a friendship.  Something to think about!