Month: March 2016

What is TOO Intimate?

/ Honey Gilmer

Webster’s definition of the word, “intimate,” is:

In´ti`mate

1.  Innermost; inward; internal; deep-seated; hearty.

2.  Near; close; direct; thorough; complete.

3.  Close in friendship or acquaintance; familiar; confidential; as, an intimate friend.

1.  An intimate friend or associate; a confidant

What defines being “too” intimate in a relationship?  Of course, sexual intimacy is the first thing that comes to mind.  God has reserved that for marriage.  The lines are actually pretty clear on that one.

What about telling too much about you?

I would say, that depends on where you are in the relationship.  Of course you want someone to know all about you.  But do it in phases.  In this day and age, that only makes sense.  With more and more relationships being formed through cyberspace, women are giving out WAY too much information too fast.  And if a man is telling you everything that went wrong in his last relationship and it’s only your second time to talk?  Red Flag.  There’s a very good chance that he’s too needy.  Take it slow.  There’s time.  There really is.

What about introducing him to your kids?

Again, it’s all about timing.  And this can lead to physical intimacy, too.  Think about it.  The kids are in bed, you’re alone, things can happen.  Please be on your knees with that decision.   Those of you who are Moms know the dangers.  Having been sexually abused by my step-father, I can’t stress this one enough.  Be careful.

What about…   prayer?

WHAAAA?????  I’m serious.  Praying with a man; going before our Holy Father in prayer; is there anything more intimate in the whole world than this?  So many Godly women are so blown away when a man prays with them.  “This is THE ONE!  He prayed with me!”  Do NOT be misled!  Please!  The act of praying together should come much later in the relationship.  Praying together too soon can form a false intimacy that could break your heart as much as sex outside of marriage.  Again, be careful!

I know sometimes it seems like I’m encouraging you “NOT” to do things but it’s only because we are being encouraged by the world to do what we should not!  What I do encourage you to do is pray, to love your family, to find joy in the small things, and to live your life!  This life is just a blip on the hands of time.  Don’t waste it with regrets over what you don’t have or who doesn’t love you.  When you arrive in front of Jesus Christ, how can any of us explain how we wasted the life that he died to save?  #GodlyWomen

The Story Behind the Cover of My Book

/ Honey Gilmer

I thought I’d share the story behind the picture of the cover of my book, “Godly Women Waiting for Godlly Men.”  It’s kind of sad, but thought I’d share.

A couple of years ago, a close friend of mine met a man.  She was in love!  Shortly after meeting him, she was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer and it had spread.  She was devastated and determined to fight it.  She offered this guy a way out; let him know that he wasn’t expected to stick around.

Instead of leaving, he proposed.  It was a necessarily a quick engagement.  But get married, they did!  It was a beautiful ceremony.  The bride’s favorite color was purple and there were these beautiful purple stones/beads/dice that were scattered on all of the tables.  They shimmered and glimmered.  She had asked that I take her wedding pictures and I just had to capture these beautiful decorations.  She died shortly after the wedding and I still miss her so much.  When Westbow asked if I had a picture for the cover of the book, I really didn’t know what to use.  What picture did I have that fit with the title of the book?

I was almost at a loss and then I clicked on the wedding pictures.  Those purple stones were so pretty and reminded me so much of her bubbly personality.  I submitted the picture, expecting some push-back, but when they sent the draft copy, I teared up.  It was official.  Godly Women are royalty, right?  Purple is a royal color.  I thought it was perfect.  My hope and prayer for this book is that my mistakes, my pain, my decisions; both good and bad, can be used by God to help at least one person.  God bless each and every one of you!

Honey

Are You Settling?

/ Honey Gilmer / 2 Comments

So you meet Mr. Charismatic.  He’s cute.  You have a lot of things in common.  His kiss makes your toes melt and you cannot wait to spend time “alone” with him.  And there’s a good chance that he feels the same way.  I’m serious.  Yes, he could really care about you…  just not enough to keep his hands to himself; because we all know that women use sex to obtain love and men use love to obtain sex.  But he could still care.  I get it.

So when is the deadline?  How long do you give him to “pop the question?”  My heart breaks when I hear this question because if you two are having sex, then he could string you along for YEARS!  Why should he be in a hurry to get married?  He has everything he wants and desires and it “gives him a chance to save up for the future.”  Have you been hearing that from anyone?  So how long do you give him?

Honestly?  The best answer I could give you would be to stop having sex; not because I say so but because it’s what God expects from you.  Let Mr. C. know why you’re stopping.  He may argue with you.  He may fight against “your” reason.  If so, you just got your answer.  He’s not a true believer and you need to walk away!  What’s my definition of a “true believer?”  He wants and desires to put Christ at the center of his life.  His desire is to submit to the will of God, which if he’s having sex with you…  he’s already obviously not doing.

IF he agrees with you (and maybe he will), then I would say to give it six months and see where you are without sex.  Do you still like him?  Are you fighting more?  Maybe the differences between you that the sex was masking, are surfacing.  It’s amazing how many things we overlook in a potential husband because we’re just wanting the ring on our finger.

Ladies, not that long ago, I could not have advised you with such assurance.  Why?  Well,  I had the “abstinence” part down, but I had not been in a successful chaste courtship yet.  But I DID marry a man who waited for me.  There were absolutely no surprises when we got married.   None.  The man who courted me was the man I ended up giving my heart to and he still hugs me every day and tells me he loves me every day and looks at me with eyes of adoration.  So I DO believe that putting God first; putting His desires and EXPECTATIONS for my life, above all else, WORKS!

So, you can continue to have sex with Mr. C…  or you can get to know the real man and see if you really are settling.  Now ask yourself…  Am I settling?  Never forget that God loves you, that Jesus has saved you and you are PRECIOUS enough to have blood spilled for your life.  Use it wisely!  #GodlyWomen

If a Relationship Has to be Kept Secret…

/ Honey Gilmer

If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

That sounds logical, doesn’t it?  Simple.  But I know of women who have decided that the only way they can be happy is to be the mistress.  Or what about the 16-year-old who’s seeing a boy that her parents have forbade her to see?   There are even women who date a man who keeps his relationship from his EX-spouse!

Sisters, one of the wonderful things about living in Christ, is that we are free in the TRUTH!  If a man is asking you to keep your relationship a secret, no matter WHAT the reason, dump him.  That’s pretty blunt.  But there are NO excuses for secrecy.

The first thing I know when someone tells me something like this, right up front, is that there is sex involved; otherwise, who would care?  Sex outside of marriage is wrong.  I don’t know how many ways to say it.  How many ways does God have to spell it out to us?

1 Corinthians 6:9-10  “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners shall inherit the kingdom of God.”

And 1 Corinthians 6:13b, 18 tells us, “Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without (outside) the body; but he that commiteth fornication sinneth against his own body.”

Many, many years ago I met a man and he asked me on a date in a town a few miles away.  I thought it was a little strange since we lived in the same town, but I met him there in a public venue.  We were getting along just fine; laughing and enjoying getting to know each other.  All of the sudden, he sat back in his chair and started looking like he was really uncomfortable.  I finally asked what was wrong and he said that some girlfriends of his ex-wife had walked in and that he couldn’t be seen with another woman.  WHOA!  Maybe he was lying about being married, maybe there were other reasons for his dilemma.  I didn’t stick around long enough to find out.   Was that God, or what?

Sisters, the bottom line is that God loved us enough to give us his SON!  He loved us enough to die for us.  No woman has to put up with being put in a corner, kept in the dark, or being put into any situation where her self-esteem is going to be damaged.  Period.

You are a Princess!  You are heiress to a throne!  I’m not saying to go out and act holier-than-thou…  I AM saying, hold your head up.  Guard your body AND your heart.  Stand on your Godly principles.  You are loved!  You don’t need the love of a secret-keeper.  Amen?  #GodlyWomen

Are You Ready to Get Married?

/ Honey Gilmer / 1 Comment

#GodlyWomen  I once had a single friend who would put on a brave face for a few months and then when the loneliness overtook her, she’d break down in heart-wrenching tears and just sob, “Why doesn’t anyone want me?  I don’t understand!  I have so much love in my heart to give!”

I think, as women, most of us can relate to that statement, “I have so much love to give!”  Giving love is a good thing, right?  We’re commanded to love one another, right?  But I want to ask you to think about something.  When you have so much love to give…  when you LONG to give your love away, isn’t your body one of the first things that you give to him?  Think about it.

I truly believe that God has a plan for every single one of our lives.  He has said it’s not good for man to be alone (however, I think He made women a bit stronger in this department.)  So if God has a plan but you are still longing for a mate, then doesn’t it make sense to figure out what God’s plan is for your life?  Doesn’t it make sense that once you start working with The Kingdom in mind, that if He believes you’re going to need help in fulfilling that goal, he will bring your teammate to you?

Yes, many of my readers are young moms and I was you, once.  Who has time to figure out God’s plan right now?  You’re wiping snotty noses, running to the doctor and trying not get fired because your son has had 3 ear aches in 4 weeks and your boss is not happy.  But I say to you that right now, God’s plan is to be the best Mom you can be and if other opportunities come along to be the hands and feet of Christ, that is a great thing for your children to see.  Keep your eyes on the Kingdom!  And just as an aside note, did you know that nobody will be married in Heaven? (Matthew 22:30-32)

So for right now, give to those who need it.  Find a way to use your spiritual gifts, whether it’s for your kids or for those around you.  You don’t know what your spiritual gifts are?  This link is one of my favorite sites for a Spiritual Gift test.  It takes about 45 minutes, but I love it:  http://www.kodachrome.org/spiritgift/  So, give of yourself.  It’s a great discipline to take with you into a marriage:  giving to others without becoming a doormat.

Once you enter into the new life of giving and truly becoming Kingdom-minded, once you start feeling a true calling on your life, you may be amazed at the people that He’ll bring into your life.  Maybe…  maybe…  Mr. Right?

What IS It?

/ Honey Gilmer

I just learned today that the Hebrew meaning of manna is, “What is it?”  I was driving as I heard this and it really struck me.  Here were all of these people and they were complaining about not having food and then God promises that He will send bread for breakfast.  They go to bed in eager anticipation, thinking of the feast they were about to have and what do they wake up to?  The bread that God promised.  Manna was their word, not His.  “What is it?”   Not only did God send “bread”, he sent it with conditions on how it was to be gathered and how it was to be eaten.  Can you imagine going to bed in anticipation of a feast and walking out to this stuff laying on the ground?  I would imagine there was maybe…  disappointment?  Maybe they felt betrayed?  “What IS it?”  …and this was their breakfast for the 40 years they were in exile.

I started thinking about that and how often we question God.  How many times has He sent us blessings that sustain us and we have the audacity to question Him?  Seriously.  He has told us no sex outside of marriage.  He has sent STDs, Aids, broken hearts, unplanned pregnancies and when we find out there are consequences for our actions, and we question, “What is this?  I didn’t want this.  I didn’t ask for this.  I loved that man.  I just wanted someone to hold me for a night.  I thought he liked me.  I wanted him to love me.  He was hot…”  The list goes on and on why women sleep with men without that wedding ring on her finger.  “What is it?”

Sometimes I try to imagine God as He looks at us, loves us, knows what’s best for us as we look at our circumstances or our consequences in disbelief and then we look up and say, “What IS it?”  Is it like a knife through His heart?  It has to be.  He loved us enough to leave the awesomeness of Heaven and live the life of a carpenter’s son.  He loved us enough to die for us.  And we still say, “What is it?”  “Food” for thought, right?

“And as Aaron spoke to the whole congregation of the people of Israel, they looked toward the wilderness, and behold, the glory of The Lord appeared in the cloud. And The Lord said to Moses, “I have heard the murmurings of the people of Israel; say to them, ‘At twilight you shall eat flesh, and in the morning you shall be filled with bread; then you shall know that I am The Lord your God.'” In the evening quails came up and covered the camp; and in the morning dew lay round about the camp. And when the dew had gone up, there was on the face of the wilderness a fine, flake-like thing, fine as hoarfrost on the ground. When the people of Israel saw it, they said to one another, “What is it?” For they did not know what it was. And Moses said to them, “It is the bread which The Lord has given you to eat.” (Exodus 16:10-15)

#GodlyWomen

Contentment

/ Honey Gilmer / 2 Comments

Many, many, many women (and men), both single and divorced, spend their “alone years” longing to be married.  I warn you sisters, allowing yourself to long and be discontent can become a habit.  So much so, that if/when you actually do get married again, you could easily find discontentment in your mate!

I know, I know.  I can hear you saying, “No, not me!  If I had a husband, I’d treat him like a King!  I’d make him so happy that he’d never hurt me.”  <Game show buzzer sound>  WRONG ANSWER!!

First of all, if you can wake up in the morning and just concentrate on God’s will and your family and/or job and find satisfaction at the end of the day…  maybe you’re actually ready for a husband!  Your heart should be overflowing with contentment so that you actually bring that into a marriage.  Guess what?  Then you won’t find yourself trying to PROVE that you’re worthy of his love…  You already know that you are.

Next, and this is important.  If you squander your singleness by longing for a mate, instead of longing to be in the middle of God’s will, how many opportunities are you going to miss out on?

And did you know that the act of longing for something, the feeling of your desires not being met, can become habit!  I’m dead serious.  So if Mr. Right actually does come into your life and you get married…  it’s hard to handle his flaws.  And YES he will have some, I promise!  Within a few years, you’ll find yourself longing for the greener pastures of being single…  Staying discontent is habit-forming.  Break the habit before you bring it into a marriage.  A mate will not ‘fix” you.  You need to be content already and you know what?  It will be one more thing that he’ll love about you.

Proverbs 21:9

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

#GodlyWomen