Someone gave me the following example: Picture an apple tree. The apples at the bottom of the tree, are easier to access and any ol’ man can walk by and grab any ol’ apple (or lady). The apples at the top of the tree require special handling. They’ve been set apart. It will take a special man to make it worth his while to climb that tree and look for God’s best. Most men will settle for the less work and grab the woman with easiest access (mostly sexual). But there ARE men, true men of God, that will decide it’s worth the effort and there ARE women who have removed themselves from the bottom of the “tree” to makes themselves less accessible. Ladies, these men are worth waiting for! Enjoy the view from the top of the tree. This position gives you GREAT discernment!
My daughter recently married her second husband. After her divorce, she made a great decision and turned to support groups and counseling to get her through the really rough patches and start her new path in a much better light. The lesson below is one she learned is passing it on to others. When I heard it, I asked if I could “borrow” it for the godly women who like this page.
You’ve heard 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
This scripture wasn’t necessarily written for marriage, but it’s applicable, isn’t it? Especially, if you substitute a man’s name for love? Example with Ken:
4 Ken is patient, Ken is kind. He does not envy, he does not boast, he is not proud. 5 He does not dishonor others and is not self-seeking, he is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Ken does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
This hit home for me. Hope it does for you!
Psalm 91 3-6
3 For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
5 You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, 6 nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.
The night of my “nose-to-the-carpet” experience (when I found Christ), I begged Him to protect me from my bad choices. As my life turned upside down, getting custody of my daughter, finding a church, finding another job; I noticed something peculiar… men weren’t looking at my with any interest! I wasn’t exactly a model, but I’d had my share of looks and knew when I looked my best. But they weren’t looking at me… at all!
This started working on my self-esteem; which as we all know was pure Satan. But what wasn’t Satan, was the pure fact that God had taken my plea seriously. He gently reminded me one night that I had begged him to protect me from my bad choices. I sat bolt-upright in bed. I think the conversation on my side of the discussion went something like this: “Seriously, God? Really? What I meant was that I wanted you to send me a good man while you were stopping the others!” But it would be another nine years before I was ready for one.
In the meantime? He protected me. Think about what a physical hedge of protection would be. It would be a hedge, maybe with thorns? Maybe thick impenetrable. And what is it protecting? You! Once I accepted that protection, once I stopped dressing to gain a man’s attention; once I stopped caring about which women were dating which men in my Bible Study; once I humbly accepted His gift for what it was: a gift from Heaven; He followed through on what I meant when I prayed that prayer.
So, Sisters, if you’re not feeling beautiful, I’m here to tell you that you are. YOU ARE! If you’re feeling that men aren’t looking at you and you have prayed for God to save you from yourself, then I urge you to accept His gift… He cares that much. He loves that much and more. Accept the gift and walk in His protection. There’s no better place to be!
This is written with the single mom in mind. Single moms are always heavy on my heart. You are so over-worked and over-looked, yet your press on. Why? Because you love your children with all of your heart.
One of the mistakes that I made and I see other single moms (and dads) making is having the desire to “get back out there,” making yourselves available. After all, you can’t catch that fish if you’re not in the water as bait, right? Wrong.
The worst mistake I made as a single mom was wanting so badly to find a “better” role model as a father figure than my ex. I was obsessed with it. That obsession lead me around by the throat, strangling all logical thought from my decisions. I talk about it in my book, and it gets into the gory details, but I know many of you know what I’m talking about. As a lot of you know, I was divorced well over 18 years. The first seven, I was lost in the world. The second 7 years, I was finding the Lord. The last 4, I was resting in Him.
There is nothing better than finding rest in His will. I remember asking what the lesson was that I was supposed to learn from kidnapped kids, loneliness, heartache, becoming a workaholic. The Number One lesson for me was that He was telling me:
· THE father figure for your children. I love them more than you ever will. Point them to ME, not to another imperfect man (after all your picker seems to be a bit broken, wouldn’t you agree?)
· THE husband you need. That roof with the hole in it? I’ll get it fixed. Trust me.
· Your security. TRUST ME! TALK TO ME! COME BACK TO ME.”
Until you can come to a place of rest in Me, your children will continue to grow up without a good father figure. They may or may not see a man treat you with respect.”
So, looking back at my mistakes and how hard-headed I was, I know now that had I surrendered myself and my children to Him, sooner, our lives could have turned out so differently. I’m definitely not complaining but I could have shorn off a few years of agony. So PLEASE learn from my mistakes!
Single moms, look up instead of out into the world for that father figure, for your comfort and solace. Surround yourself with like-minded (and like-hearted) friends. Keep each other accountable and out of the beds of the next heartbreak. And remember, introducing your children to the ultimate father-figure is always the right thing.
God bless you!
Yes, I said that I would be closing my Facebook page, but I can’t. I wanted to put my thoughts into words, but since my book is written under a pen name, it’s important to maintain anonymity. This was the best I could do. So, sorry for the format. Wish I could do something like Heather Land, but the subject of sex outside of marriage just isn’t a laughing matter, but there IS joy in the decision to obey God! Amen?
God bless you all!
p.s. I tell everyone to have a great weekend. However, it took me all weekend to figure out how filter my face out. 🙂
It is with a heavy heart, that I am saying goodbye to my Facebook page. I’ve had this page for almost 9 years now, way before I wrote my book. But while my stats tell me every day that my “likes” are increasing, every day, my “likes” go down from anywhere between 3-5 likes; which means that Facebook is actually kicking some of you off.
I invite you to following the link of this post, if Facebook actually allows it onto your wall, and subscribe to my blogs. I’ll try to update it more often than I have been.
Feel free to comment or send me any messages. Also, feel free to like my Honey Gilmer, author page, though I have no expectations for that page either. 😦
In the beginning of this page, there was so much interaction and comradery, but alas, very few of you are even seeing my posts now. I hope Facebook comes around and stops censoring the Christian sites.
God bless you all. I’ll be taking the page down officially sometime next week.
Interesting thought about the term, “soul mate.” Did you know that the term comes from Greek mythology? It’s not used one time in the Bible? As a matter of fact, there’s nothing in the Bible where God tells us anything about picking a mate except to make sure that you’re equally yoked! So is it possible that God’s intention for marriage is that you find someone who can help YOU fulfill God’s plan for your life and you to help HIM find God’s plan for his? Teamwork. Could it possibly be that simple? Do we put too much emphasis on “chemistry?” Do we put too my emphasis on things that don’t matter in God’s plan? Things that make you go “hmmm”
Imagine you’re standing in front of a full-length mirror. Your makeup is perfect. Your perfume is just right. And you’re about to see HIM again! And it’s your third date! YIPES! You’re thinking, “I shaved my legs. Check. I’ve shaved under my arms. Check. I’ve manicured every place that needs to be manicured because tonight he just might see everything! Check, check, check.” Am I right?
But there is one important detail that’s lost in all the excitement of consummating your dating relationship and officially making yourself his “girlfriend.” What does God have to say about this?
Yes, it’s 2018, but guess what? Hebrews 13:8 says , “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Malachi 3:6 says, ““For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed.”
So, if God doesn’t change and sex outside of marriage is still a sin, then why the excitement of consummating a relationship WAY before God intended? And ladies, who have been married, if you’ve read my book, you know this message is intended for you as much, if not more than someone who has not been married. Why, more? Because deep inside, you know better. You instinctively know what God is doing, even if it’s tough to acknowledge. If you are not supposed to hide your light beneath a bushel, this is one area where you can definitely let it shine!
So, ladies… Take that look in the full-length mirror. See what God sees. You’re a princess, heir to a throne. Is this man a man that’s after God’s heart? Is he a man that God has brought to you so that you can become a team in His name?
Look in the mirror again. You’re beautiful. You can say, “no.” You can say, “I’m waiting ’til I get married. Let’s talk. Let’s get to know each other.” Because if you don’t, the rest of the dating relationship, IF it goes any further, will be based around sex. Your vacations will be about sex. Your dates will always be about sex. Is that really what you want?
Be gentle. It’s taken me years to get up the nerve to do this!
My loneliest New Years actually turned into a great metaphor. I ran a nice bubble bath around 11:30 p.m. and enjoyed a nice soak. Then, at midnight, I pulled the plug and said goodbye to the worst year of my life.
IF ONLY I had known Christ at that time of my life. I would have had hope as my past year symbolically drained away.
What about you? If you’re going to be alone, what can you do to symbolize a fresh start; not just in your life, but in your walk with Christ this year?