Finding the Strength to Say No

When I was in my first marriage, I was completely dominated in every way. I was not allowed to have my own thoughts or disagree with anything my husband had to say. I was more than dismissive. I was a total doormat. I lived in fear. That fear included the physical bonds of marriage.

To this day, I live with a little map of varicose veins on my thigh where I was slapped so hard, it left a handprint about 1/8” into my muscle (back when I HAD muscle). I limped for days. What brought this fit of anger on? I was tired. I was SO tired and he had been out drinking and came home wanting marital intimacy (I’m using milder terminology because this platform will shut me down for spelling out the word).

 I got up for work 3 hours before he did. I was a mother to baby and a 4-year-old. I was TIRED; bone tired, running-on-empty tired. No, I did NOT want to wake up for any reason! When I moaned in protest, he slapped and grabbed my thigh in a blow that made me see stars. Did I have concede? Yes.

Ladies, if this story resonates with you in any way, read on. If you are newly divorced, PLEASE read on. My submissiveness was not the godly submissiveness that God expects in a marriage. He wants a man and woman to pull together, to be equally yoked. When you see a team of horses or oxen pull within a yoke, they pull together. The weight is evenly distributed. Right? He gave women a voice to talk and reason with out spouses (not nag). When that voice is taken away, it takes awhile to find it again.

If your voice was taken away, I pray that you are taking the time to concentrate on what God wants for you. Your priorities right now, should be God and family. Period. I know that you’re lonely. But until you have your priorities straight, you are going to face heartbreak after heartbreak.

  • God first, before your child.
  • God first, before your parents.
  • God first before dating.
  • Your child(ren) before dating.

I promise. If you can get those priorities in order, whether it takes a month or 5 years, once those priorities are in order, you will find your voice. It took me 7 years to find my voice and by then, I was a miserable, broken, shadow of a woman. You will USE your voice once you start dating. You will NEED your voice! You HAVE a voice! You will draw boundaries and stick to them. Drop your baggage and pick up the yoke of Christ. He’s waiting and He loves you so much!