Jesus Wept

In John 11:33-35, it says:  (33) Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. (34) And He said, ‘Where have you laid him?’ They said to Him, ‘Lord, come and see.’ (35) Jesus wept.

The first assumption people jump to is that Jesus was sad because his friend died…  but that doesn’t make sense, does it?

Have you ever had a friend come to you in deep pain and there was little or maybe nothing you could do, but you looked at them through tears; knowing that their pain was so deep that you grieved for them and with them?  I think Jesus wept for the pain of living.  He knew he was bringing Lazarus back, didn’t he?  He understood the pain of those who were living.

He knows your pain, too sister.  Whether you are laying by yourself in a bed and crying, or at a party where everyone’s on a date and you’re smiling and doing your best to enjoy yourself…  He sees you.  He knows what you’re feeling.  Never, ever doubt that.  He loves you that much.

Don’t allow doubt to linger.  You are loved beyond riches.

Sexual Abuse… Guard Your Daughters

I just heard some statistics that I’d like to share with the single Moms.

Sexual Abuse Risks state that:

  • For Non-biological married parents (example:  step parents) the chance of a child being sexually abused is 9x the normal risk.
  • For biological parents who are unmarried, the risk is 5x the normal risk.
  • For a single parent (usually the mother) cohabitating with someone, the risk is 20x greater than the normal risk.
  • For a single parent, living alone, the risk is 5 x greater than the normal risk.

For myself, I fell into the first bullet point when I was a child.  My step-father sexually abused me.  So as an unsaved young, single-mom I actually did live with a couple of guys.  My heart stops knowing the risk I put my children in.  Once I accepted Christ and started attending a true, Bible-believing church, I learned very quickly that the best thing I could do for my kids was to stay unmarried until they were out of the house.  I chose to do that and to this day, I’m grateful that I did.  I have no regrets that I was single for almost 19 years.

I go into more detail in my book, which is available on Amazon, among other places.  My first prayer as a born-again Christian was that God take my mistakes and use them; to please not let my pain go to waste.  I’m here to share my mistakes so that at least one person hears.  I’ve taken some virtual punches for my stance on abstaining from sex outside of marriage and I’m willing to take the criticisms and the derogatory remarks because somewhere out there, there may be one woman; one single mother; who needs some direction.  She’s reeling from a divorce or a bad breakup.  I’m here for you and I hear you.

 

God bless all of you, my sisters.  You are loved!

Christmas Alone… Again

Coming from a woman who spent many Christmases alone, including not being with my children; one estranged and the other was just wrapped up in her own life…  I know that this can be a trying time.  One year I even went and sat in a bar on Christmas Eve, just to get out of my doldrums.  It doesn’t work. #Godlywomen

So what does work?  Look around.  Do you see one thing you’ve accomplished because God was faithful.   There might even be one or two things.  For me, God enabled me to buy a small, very inexpensive house.  Much of the furniture was bought used, but over the years I was able to buy little things to fix it up…  little “cheap” things, but they were mine; bought with my blood, sweat and tears.

For a few  years I invited my Bible Study over and we’d get through Christmas Eve together and then I’d find another single girlfriend and go see a movie on Christmas Day.  If you’re not involved in a church, this is the perfect time to find one.  If there is a single’s Bible Study, get involved; if there’s not one, talk to the pastor!  Why wait on someone else?  YOU help get one started!  Take God out of the box, He’s not there anyway.  Ask Him what He wants you do.  You have?  He’s not answering?  Do something…  anything until He does tell you.  Do something for Him; i.e., volunteer!  Eventually He’s going to answer.  I promise!

Merry Christmas, my sisters!  Remember how much He loves you.  Know that you are all on my heart and mind this Christmas season.  May God bless you each abundantly.  Stay warm (or if you’re in Texas, chill out), drive safely, call a friend if you need to, and thank God for the small things.

Merry Christmas!

I Hesitate to Post This… Blasphemy

The Christian Post had this article and it breaks my heart!  Seriously…  Sisters, if you are hearing this, remember Isaiah 5:20 says,

“Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil;
Who [a]substitute darkness for light and light for darkness;
Who [b]substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!

If you are looking for an excuse to have “blessed sex” outside of marriage, this woman, who calls herself a pastor tries to say it’s OK.  IT IS NOT!  Hear my plea, sisters.  I’m posting this solely to warn you of what to watch for.  This is the Enemy at work

Link to article :  Pastor Who Says Single Christians Can Have ‘Mutually Pleasurable’ Sex Doesn’t See Bible as God’s Infallible Word

Is it Better to Marry Than to Burn with Passion?

In 1 Corinthians 7:9, Paul says, “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

A couple of years ago I was talking to a young woman who was facing divorce.  I made a mistake in talking with her.  I had become so focused on “do it God’s way and everything will be fine,” that I was thrown aback when I asked her, “If you had said no to sex before marriage, would you have married at all?”  Most women pause when I ask them this and say, “No. He would not have stuck around long enough to marry.” Usually they immediately see the flaw in what they’ve just said. Yeah… Now there are kids involved and the marriage still failed.

But this time when I asked the question, her response was, “We didn’t have sex before we married.”  I sat there a bit dismayed and unsure how to go forward.  I’d never run across that predicament before.  My next question was, “Did you rush into marriage in order to have sex?”  She thoughtfully said, “Yeah.  Probably.”

So what does Paul mean when he says it is better to marry than to burn with passion?  How many unhappy marriages are there because this scripture was not taken in the correct context?  Paul isn’t saying, “Hurry up and get married because if you keep flirting with the sexual side of your relationship, you’re probably going to sin.”  Remember, he’s urging people to put serving God first and not desire to be married.  That is the point to the whole message.  Put God first!  If you’re rushing into marriage, are you placing God first?  It may feel like it, but perhaps you’re actually circumventing God.  It’s possible that you’re taking His will out of the equation and rushing to the pastor.

Paul is urging everyone to put God first; to serve Him first.  Even when you are married, God should be the head of the union, yes?  If sex was the sole reason for marrying, then God was definitely left out of the equation.  So yes…  there are some (not many) who married as virgins or abstained from sex during the relationship and still wound up totally disappointed and trapped in an unhappy marriage.

The reason I bring this story to you?  I just want to raise awareness that sex may be the icing on the cake of a good marriage, but it’s not the cake.  What if one of you ends up in a wreck and unable to have sex?  What if one of you has a stroke?  Will the other one stick around?  There’s a good chance that if sex was the driving force behind the marriage… the answer may be no.

Food for thought (no pun intended…)  The icing on the cake is anything extra wonderful that God brings to the marriage.  This is why He HAS to be the head of the union.  His will must be sought daily.  And He loves you enough to sacrifice His life for you.  When you honor Him in your decisions, He will use that and what a joy and an honor to be used by the Creator of the Universe, Abba Father!

Receiving Your Singleness as a Gift

So many times; as single women, moms, teens; we look at our singleness as a jail sentence.  It’s something that has to be struggled through until Mr. Right rescues us.  Right?

But what if this is a season that God has set aside for you to live, to give, sow seeds into the lives of others?  Maybe you have children, parents, grandchildren, neighbors, grandparents that need you right now.  Is there a gift or a talent that God has gifted you with that He’s expecting you to use?

Once we start seeing our singleness as a chance to give, then instead of feeling lonely every time we’re alone, we start seeing our alone time as a God-given gift; a time to shut down and rest.  Will there still be loneliness?  Sure there will.  But we need to give thanks in all things, amen?

Am I making light of the desire to be married?  No, I’m not.  God gave me a message to give to someone today.  You are not in jail.  You have been set aside for a purpose.  He’s working on you.  Use this time wisely.

#GodlyWomen #Dating

Am I a Fuddy-Duddy?

Am I a Fuddy Duddy?  The definition of “Fuddy-duddy” in the Meriam-Webster’s dictionary is “ a person with old-fashioned or conservative ideas and attitudes.”

 

I recently sent my book off to have it reviewed by a “professional” reviewer.  First of all, please note that I’m not mad.  I’m very confused and a bit frustrated as there was not ONE criticism of my writing.  He/she gave good comments on the way my views were presented…  Their problem with my book, according to the reviewer, was the subject matter:  sexual intimacy outside of marriage.  Supposedly it was a Christian reviewer…  but they kept saying that it was only my opinion that sex outside of marriage was a sin.

Honestly, I never expected to run into this problem in the Christian publishing world.  It just shows that “the world” is growing stronger.  We MUST pray for our towns, our states, our country and the world’s culture.  As sisters in Christ, I know the readers of the page are (mostly) in agreement with me on this subject or are seeking answers through their heartbreaks.

I wrote this book against my will.  I didn’t want to go to the dark places that are facts in my past life.  I had left them behind.  But…  I LEARNED things through Christ.  My eyes were opened and I was able to see the world as it truly is; I was able to see my sin.  I know that I know that I know sex outside of marriage is wrong.  The reviewer said I was “uncompromising” in my “opinions.”  However, I state that the Bible forms my opinions and my desires.

My #1 desire is to be obedient to God.  My #2 desire is tell others what I’ve learned; to listen to heartaches, to dry tears, to be a shoulder when times are hard.

Am I a fuddy duddy?  I don’t think so.  I’m a Christian.

#GodlyWomen #Singledating #Christianbooks

Another Terror Attack… You are NOT Alone!

I spent many restless nights after watching news of horrible things…  like 911.  I know the anxiety and the longing for someone to just hold me.   It’s in these times that you must reach out to friends and talk.  It is in these times that we hold on to our faith.  We have a father who will never abandon nor forsake us.  That is a promise!

I pass David’s words to his on onto you.  “Be strong and courageous and do it. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the Lord God, even my God, is with you. He will not leave you or forsake you, until all the work for the service of the house of the Lord is finished.”

He is with you.  We are told in over 100 places in the Bible to “fear not” or “be not afraid.”  How do we do that?  I know I was guilty of just letting my mind wander to the worst possible scenario happening.  What would I do if someone broke in my home?  Would I run?  Would I fight?  Would I be hurt?  What if there was a fire?  etc. etc.

But nothing beats prayer and going to our Abba Father, who loves us SO MUCH!  He can calm your fears.  So maybe before going to bed, pick up the Bible and read some Psalms.  Maybe go to sleep listening to Christian music.  Yes, there are so many types of Christian songs…  from pop to hip-hop to gospel to folk to country-western.   Listen to those words and put your faith out of the reach of the world and back into the our Father’s love.  #NiceAttack #GodlyWomen

Amen?

Be IN The World… but Not OF it?

What does it mean in John 15:18-19, 18 If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you19 “If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you.”

How can we, sisters-in-Christ, live in a world that says it’s OK to sleep with someone for the following reasons:

  • It’s fun
  • We’re sexual creatures, we NEED sex
  • He’ll leave you if you don’t
  • You’re a prude or a Bible thumper if you believe that God expects us to save sex for marriage
  • You’re divorced so it’s OK to have sex
  • You’ve already lived with someone, so it’s OK to have sex
  • There was rape or sexual immorality involved, so why not go ahead and have sex?

The list, of course, is longer, but you know where I’m going with this.  Let’s get back to the verse.  Though Jesus’ words are much deeper than just sex, for this blog, I’m sticking to this subject:

“If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you.”  The world killed Jesus.  It gave a him a very cruel, painful, humiliating and degrading death.  He knows your pain.  He understands humiliation of not fitting in.  If a man pushes you away because you refuse to have sex, how much worse did Jesus suffer?  If someone snubs you or ridicules you because you’re “holier than thou,” how much more was He humiliated when he was stripped and beaten?

“If you were of the world, the world would love its own;”  If you date a man who is not a Christ-follower, he will expect sex.  And he will expect you agreement that this is normal and taken for granted. In today’s world, we all know this.  If you surround yourself with “the world,” those in your life who are not Christ-followers, will encourage you to sleep with a good-looking guy, right?  And when you do, they’re high-fiving and you feel you belong.  (We won’t talk about the fact that this will probably be the very same guy who says he’ll call and then doesn’t.)  I pray that you surround yourself with like-minded friends and family who will encourage you to stand apart; to stand your ground.  If you need support, PM me!  I’m here.  I WILL encourage you!  It may not be really fast, but I promise to get back with you.

“…but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you.”  It wasn’t more than 15 years ago when these words didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me.  How could I be IN the world, but not OF world?  How did He choose me and I don’t FEEL hated!  But…  now?  In all the chaos of today’s world, Christians are becoming more and more of a target.  And if you tell someone that you won’t have sex outside of marriage, you’re looked at as if you’ve grown two heads!  How did Jesus choose us?  Every Christian has a story.  Mine is in my book, Godly Women Waiting for Godlly Men.  In my story, I knew the moment that I accepted Christ and felt His love.  He CHOSE to love me.  He CHOSE to die for me…  Me.  You.  He died for us and because we believe this, because we choose to follow Him; because we choose to either a) never have sex outside of marriage; or b) we’ve made a decisions to STOP having sex outside of marriage; we are turning away from the world.  Yes, we have to live in it.  But we don’t have to be of it.

Not too long ago, I went walking with a friend of mine.  I had on a t-shirt that said, “Not Ashamed.”  There was a Bible verse on the back (I can’t remember which one right now.”  I truly hadn’t even given the shirt a thought when I put it on.  As we were walking to our cars, a woman approached with a broad smile on her face.  She walked up to me, gave my friend (another woman) a knowing glance, and said, “What are you not ashamed of?”  She looked at me knowingly and I knew she was expecting me to say , “I’m gay.”  But instead, I said, “I’m a Christian and I make no apologies.”  I was not prepared for the anger that spread over her face.  Her eyes grew big and then narrowed in pure hatred.  She shook her finger at me and said, “You people…  You’ll get yours!”  I was so not prepared for this conversation.  I wish I could say that I stopped and talked to her with love, but to see such hatred…  it just blew my mind.  I don’t recall saying anything at all to her.  I do remember smiling, but that was it.  But the torment my Lord went through?  He confronted his haters with love always.

20 years ago, the easy road was being a Christian.  Christians fit in.  But that is no longer the case.  Christians are targets for cruelty.  We’re being slain in many countries.  We’re being humiliated and degraded in our own country.  But now that the going is getting tough, we MUST be obedient.  Now, the easy thing to do is go along with the world…  the world that Satan is ruling.

I leave you with this…  Matthew 7:13-14 says, Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it.  14 For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.”

God bless you all, dear sisters-in-Christ!  #GodlyWomen

 

The Need to be Touched

After many years of being celebate, I remember driving 4 hours to a wedding. A young man whose mother is still a very dear friend, was getting married. I drove there alone. I went to the rehearsal dinner alone. I got up the next morning with about 6 hours to kill before the wedding. I ended up going to the mall to get a manicure/pedicure. I really couldn’t afford to do it, but they were running a special and I just REALLY wanted to treat myself.

So I was sitting in the chair, and the young woman was massaging my legs and then my arms. I started crying! I was HORRIFIED! She pretended not to notice and I got out of there as fast as I could. Once I got to my car, I sat there and tried to analyze what had just happened. I finally realized that I had not been touched by another human being for MONTHS!

Sisters, we need touch. With that being said, I’m not saying go out and let a man touch you! Sit back down! 🙂  You may not like what I have to say, but I don’t have a lot of popular views on God’s desires for your lives, do I?  I hope then that you realize that I only say what I truly feel needs to be said.

Ladies, we do need each other. We are nurturers. We need to be able to lean on each other. We need to be hugged. If you stand back and watch women talking to each other, you’ll see hugs, and hands reaching out in concern. You’ll see a woman tuck another woman’s label into the back of her blouse. We TOUCH!

I hope nobody is actually reading this in a sexual way. I am talking about biblically sound caring. Look at Ruth and Naomi.  Ladies, do not lose your friends over a man and do not push other women out of your life. At the time that I broke down in the nail salon, I had gone months without seeing any of my friends. I was bogged down with work, going through the empty-nest syndrome by myself, and the friends I did see, we just didn’t think too much about actually hugging. Don’t put yourself at risk by denying good, Godly women to be your friends. We need each other.

Ruth 1:16 NIV  New International Version But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.