Allowing Time To Heal

Many years ago, I was on my knees, crying to a God I wasn’t sure existed, “God, send me someone so that I can stop this hurt.  He hurt me so badly.  I love him so much!  Please send someone quickly to heal this hole.”

Boy, I was so lost.  I was so lonely.  I was so wrong.

  1. The hole I needed to be filled had nothing to do with a man, although I didn’t realize it at the time.  I was pretty sure of a Grand Designer, but I had absolutely no relationship with Jesus Christ.  That was the hole that truly needed filling.
  2. I was trying to cast my “healing” on someone else!  I was trying to make it their responsibility to make me happy.  How obtuse!  I was the one who had made the horrible mistake of sleeping with a man outside of marriage.  I was the one whose soul was torn.  I needed to take on that responsibility.  It was up to me to take the time to heal…  And ladies, I’m talking at least a year; maybe more.
  3. It was time for me to realize that there was more to dating.  It was time for me to start asking questions about God and His expectations of me.  And I did.  I started seeking answers.  I found sermons on the radio as a start.  I had to force myself to keep the radio tuned because I loved, loved, loved secular music.  Eventually the words started penetrating.

The rest of my testimony is in my book, but you get the message.  Don’t try to fill that broken heart with another relationship.  It will backfire to such an extent that you may not know how to handle it.

Most of my readers are mature Christians and this is a “duh” story.  But I know there are readers who are scratching their heads, you don’t understand fully.  You’re lonely, you’re searching for answers.  Send me a message.  I’d love to talk.  I’m not promising you’ll like the answers, because you will need change in your life and more than likely you don’t want to change.  But as Dr. Phil is famous for saying…  “How’s that working for ya?”

I can promise there is hope and joy waiting for you.  Ask questions.  Matthew 7:7 says, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”  Knock, ladies…  Don’t hesitate to knock.  #Godlywomen

Contact Lens / Camera

This isn’t my usual post, but I saw this on the news and immediately thought of the godly women following my page.  Most of you know or are in the process of figuring out that God doesn’t want us having sex outside of marriage.

But there are some who want to push the limits; who don’t want to accept this.  I bring you one more reason that sex outside of marriage is a bad idea.

This is going to happen.  Someone will be on a date, things will get heated up and you’re going to have sex.  We’ve been hearing for the past few years of voyeurs with cameras who catch unsuspecting women in compromising acts…  But imagine:  a camera inside a contact lens.  Every time the person blinks, it snaps a picture.  I won’t go into details of the horror that could happen to an unsuspecting sexual partner.  You can let your imaginations take in the impact of this.

I just wanted you to know that this is on the horizon.  God bless and BE CAREFUL!

http://www.newsmax.com/TheWire/sony-contact-lens-camera/2016/05/02/id/726749/

#godlywomen

 

 

 

Single Moms… Are you Ready to Get Married?

One important lesson I learned almost too late, was that my children had to come before any man.  That should be a no-brainer.  As a mother, I’m sure we all believe that we shouldn’t have to be told that.  But I have to say, that my desire to be with whatever man was in my life, made me make stupid choices.  I believed I was putting my children first, and if push came to shove, I would choose my child over any man; but I still  made stupid choices in order to be with someone I believed I loved.

 

 

This is important, you single moms out there.  This is important for every woman who may ever be a single mother for any reason.  When you are dating a man, your # 1 priority should be the welfare and happiness of your children.  When you are engaged, those priorities may shift a little, but your children still come first.  If you are blessed to find a man worthy of becoming a part of your family and you marry, then your husband comes first.  But until that day comes, if he is a man of God, he will understand and agree with your choices.  A man that you are dating should never, ever be placed over your child.  If he forces you to choose, I would suggest that you re-evaluate your choice in men.

 

As I’ve stressed over and over and over:  Go with what you know and not with what you feel.   Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?”  (New American Standard).  Our hearts can get us into so much trouble.  We listen to the world say, “Follow your heart.”  What we need to listen to is the Holy Spirit reminding us that Jesus says to follow Him.

 

One more valuable lesson that I learned before it was too late, was that I was forgiven.  Once I accepted the forgiveness of Jesus Christ, I went to my children and asked for their forgiveness.  I promised them that they would never see another boyfriend spend the night in our home.   I promised them that I would set the example and stand by God’s word and no longer condone sex outside of marriage.

I will admit to slipping from that promise about 7 years later, for a few weeks and I crawled back to God with a broken heart filled with repentance after my fall.  This time, I healed faster and held a newer resolve to stick with what I believed God wanted for me and was able to live a happy, full life; and when I met my Godly man six years later, I was honest about my past and what I believed.  He could have rejected such a woman with a past and I would have understood, but it would not have broken me because I had accepted God’s forgiveness.  I do thank God for the man I married and for his leadership and Godly counsel, but I could  not have appreciated such a man had I not accepted God’s forgiveness first.

 

We are women of God.  He LOVES us! So if you are in the middle of a relationship that is not worthy of a Godly Woman, pray and make some wise decisions.  It may mean breaking your heart, but do the right thing.  If you have made mistakes in your past and don’t believe that you are worthy of such a man, then it’s possible that you haven’t accepted the forgiveness that Jesus Christ offers.

 

Did you know that He prayed for you before you were born?  In John 17:20-23, He prays, My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved  them even as you have loved me.”

 

 

Hold your head high, my sisters.   How could anyone doubt such love as from the One Who died for us.  You are loved, my sisters!  You are SO loved!  Now my prayer is that you live like it! #GodlyWomen

Living out Loud: Are we a stumbling block or a living message?

‎1 Timothy 4:12 Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity..

All through the Bible, we are told over and over again that living our lives can and should be a witness to others.  I think this is true for us as women, so that we can witness to younger women and to each other.  I also believe that we should also expect it from the men.

You know, sometimes I would meet someone that passed himself off as a Godly man, even a Bible study teacher, sometimes…  But he would still expect sex.  He lost his witness to me.  He had a chance to lead me, to strengthen my faith, but for all intents and purposes, he actually almost tripped me on my walk.

Romans 14:13 says, “Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.”

We are all instructed not to cause our brother or sister to stumble.  So if a man is asking you for, or demanding from you, sex…  He might as well be sticking his foot out in front of you and causing you to fall.  Do you really want a husband that would intentionally hurt your walk with God?

Sisters, not only should we expect a man to “walk the walk”, but we need to hold each other accountable.  Are we living a life that is a witness to others?  Can our friends, our children, co-workers see something different in us?  Live out LOUD, ladies!  LIVE your LIFE!  You are a princess!  You are an heiress to a throne.  You are loved.  Always, you are loved.

A Must-Read

We tell young women to protect their virginity.  We pray that our college-aged young women will protect their virtue.  But who is talking to the divorced woman who doesn’t understand what God’s expectations are.  I am!  Every mistake, every mis-step that I took in my walk as a divorced woman is talked about in my book, “Godly Women Waiting for Godlly Men.”  You can download from Barnes & Noble or Amazon.  It’s available for purchase through either of these, or you can order from my website:  http://www.honeygilmer.com .

Does God have a word about your sex life, even if you are no longer a virgin?  Yes.  He does.

#GodlyWomen

Longing

It seems every woman is born with a longing heart.  When we’re babes, we long to be tall, like Mommy.  When we’re teenagers, we long for freedom, we long for a boyfriend, we long for the love our life!  We become young women and we long for a husband, then we long for a family.  As older women, even if we have a wonderful marriage, that longing is still there.  The family didn’t fill that empty spot.  The husband, good as he is, didn’t fill that empty spot.

And if you’re in an unhappy marriage, multiply the longing by 50%.  If you have kids, you can double it.  God made us women.  He gave us this “hole” in our heart…  to be filled with Him!

I’ll give the same scenario in different circumstances and let me know what you think:

Teenaged girl on a beach at sunset.

Oh the hormones are RAGING!  I want a boy to walk with me on the beach and hold my hand.  I’m so lonely.  Nobody understands me.  If I had a boyfriend, everything would be perfect.

Young married woman in a happy marriage on a beach at sunset:

This is nice!  The sunset is so pretty.  Why do I still feel so sad?  I have everything I want!  What’s missing?  Something’s missing.

Young married woman in an unhappy marriage on a beach at sunset:

I’m so unhappy!  Somewhere out there is a man who would treat me better.  If I were in a better marriage, I’d be so much happier and I wouldn’t feel so empty.

Mature Christian woman with or without a husband on a beach at sunset:

Look at the beauty of that sunset!  Thank you, Father, for such beauty!  How much you must love me, not only have you given me your son, you continually show Your love through the beauty of nature.  I am at peace.  I only long to see Your face, Father!

As women, we will always long…  but it’s WHO we are longing for that will determine our peace, our countenance, our sense of humor, and ultimately our joy.

#GodlyWomen

What is TOO Intimate?

Webster’s definition of the word, “intimate,” is:

In´ti`mate

1.  Innermost; inward; internal; deep-seated; hearty.

2.  Near; close; direct; thorough; complete.

3.  Close in friendship or acquaintance; familiar; confidential; as, an intimate friend.

1.  An intimate friend or associate; a confidant

What defines being “too” intimate in a relationship?  Of course, sexual intimacy is the first thing that comes to mind.  God has reserved that for marriage.  The lines are actually pretty clear on that one.

What about telling too much about you?

I would say, that depends on where you are in the relationship.  Of course you want someone to know all about you.  But do it in phases.  In this day and age, that only makes sense.  With more and more relationships being formed through cyberspace, women are giving out WAY too much information too fast.  And if a man is telling you everything that went wrong in his last relationship and it’s only your second time to talk?  Red Flag.  There’s a very good chance that he’s too needy.  Take it slow.  There’s time.  There really is.

What about introducing him to your kids?

Again, it’s all about timing.  And this can lead to physical intimacy, too.  Think about it.  The kids are in bed, you’re alone, things can happen.  Please be on your knees with that decision.   Those of you who are Moms know the dangers.  Having been sexually abused by my step-father, I can’t stress this one enough.  Be careful.

What about…   prayer?

WHAAAA?????  I’m serious.  Praying with a man; going before our Holy Father in prayer; is there anything more intimate in the whole world than this?  So many Godly women are so blown away when a man prays with them.  “This is THE ONE!  He prayed with me!”  Do NOT be misled!  Please!  The act of praying together should come much later in the relationship.  Praying together too soon can form a false intimacy that could break your heart as much as sex outside of marriage.  Again, be careful!

I know sometimes it seems like I’m encouraging you “NOT” to do things but it’s only because we are being encouraged by the world to do what we should not!  What I do encourage you to do is pray, to love your family, to find joy in the small things, and to live your life!  This life is just a blip on the hands of time.  Don’t waste it with regrets over what you don’t have or who doesn’t love you.  When you arrive in front of Jesus Christ, how can any of us explain how we wasted the life that he died to save?  #GodlyWomen

The Story Behind the Cover of My Book

I thought I’d share the story behind the picture of the cover of my book, “Godly Women Waiting for Godlly Men.”  It’s kind of sad, but thought I’d share.

A couple of years ago, a close friend of mine met a man.  She was in love!  Shortly after meeting him, she was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer and it had spread.  She was devastated and determined to fight it.  She offered this guy a way out; let him know that he wasn’t expected to stick around.

Instead of leaving, he proposed.  It was a necessarily a quick engagement.  But get married, they did!  It was a beautiful ceremony.  The bride’s favorite color was purple and there were these beautiful purple stones/beads/dice that were scattered on all of the tables.  They shimmered and glimmered.  She had asked that I take her wedding pictures and I just had to capture these beautiful decorations.  She died shortly after the wedding and I still miss her so much.  When Westbow asked if I had a picture for the cover of the book, I really didn’t know what to use.  What picture did I have that fit with the title of the book?

I was almost at a loss and then I clicked on the wedding pictures.  Those purple stones were so pretty and reminded me so much of her bubbly personality.  I submitted the picture, expecting some push-back, but when they sent the draft copy, I teared up.  It was official.  Godly Women are royalty, right?  Purple is a royal color.  I thought it was perfect.  My hope and prayer for this book is that my mistakes, my pain, my decisions; both good and bad, can be used by God to help at least one person.  God bless each and every one of you!

Honey

Are You Settling?

So you meet Mr. Charismatic.  He’s cute.  You have a lot of things in common.  His kiss makes your toes melt and you cannot wait to spend time “alone” with him.  And there’s a good chance that he feels the same way.  I’m serious.  Yes, he could really care about you…  just not enough to keep his hands to himself; because we all know that women use sex to obtain love and men use love to obtain sex.  But he could still care.  I get it.

So when is the deadline?  How long do you give him to “pop the question?”  My heart breaks when I hear this question because if you two are having sex, then he could string you along for YEARS!  Why should he be in a hurry to get married?  He has everything he wants and desires and it “gives him a chance to save up for the future.”  Have you been hearing that from anyone?  So how long do you give him?

Honestly?  The best answer I could give you would be to stop having sex; not because I say so but because it’s what God expects from you.  Let Mr. C. know why you’re stopping.  He may argue with you.  He may fight against “your” reason.  If so, you just got your answer.  He’s not a true believer and you need to walk away!  What’s my definition of a “true believer?”  He wants and desires to put Christ at the center of his life.  His desire is to submit to the will of God, which if he’s having sex with you…  he’s already obviously not doing.

IF he agrees with you (and maybe he will), then I would say to give it six months and see where you are without sex.  Do you still like him?  Are you fighting more?  Maybe the differences between you that the sex was masking, are surfacing.  It’s amazing how many things we overlook in a potential husband because we’re just wanting the ring on our finger.

Ladies, not that long ago, I could not have advised you with such assurance.  Why?  Well,  I had the “abstinence” part down, but I had not been in a successful chaste courtship yet.  But I DID marry a man who waited for me.  There were absolutely no surprises when we got married.   None.  The man who courted me was the man I ended up giving my heart to and he still hugs me every day and tells me he loves me every day and looks at me with eyes of adoration.  So I DO believe that putting God first; putting His desires and EXPECTATIONS for my life, above all else, WORKS!

So, you can continue to have sex with Mr. C…  or you can get to know the real man and see if you really are settling.  Now ask yourself…  Am I settling?  Never forget that God loves you, that Jesus has saved you and you are PRECIOUS enough to have blood spilled for your life.  Use it wisely!  #GodlyWomen