So you meet Mr. Charismatic.  He’s cute.  You have a lot of things in common.  His kiss makes your toes melt and you cannot wait to spend time “alone” with him.  And there’s a good chance that he feels the same way.  I’m serious.  Yes, he could really care about you…  just not enough to keep his hands to himself; because we all know that women use sex to obtain love and men use love to obtain sex.  But he could still care.  I get it.

So when is the deadline?  How long do you give him to “pop the question?”  My heart breaks when I hear this question because if you two are having sex, then he could string you along for YEARS!  Why should he be in a hurry to get married?  He has everything he wants and desires and it “gives him a chance to save up for the future.”  Have you been hearing that from anyone?  So how long do you give him?

Honestly?  The best answer I could give you would be to stop having sex; not because I say so but because it’s what God expects from you.  Let Mr. C. know why you’re stopping.  He may argue with you.  He may fight against “your” reason.  If so, you just got your answer.  He’s not a true believer and you need to walk away!  What’s my definition of a “true believer?”  He wants and desires to put Christ at the center of his life.  His desire is to submit to the will of God, which if he’s having sex with you…  he’s already obviously not doing.

IF he agrees with you (and maybe he will), then I would say to give it six months and see where you are without sex.  Do you still like him?  Are you fighting more?  Maybe the differences between you that the sex was masking, are surfacing.  It’s amazing how many things we overlook in a potential husband because we’re just wanting the ring on our finger.

Ladies, not that long ago, I could not have advised you with such assurance.  Why?  Well,  I had the “abstinence” part down, but I had not been in a successful chaste courtship yet.  But I DID marry a man who waited for me.  There were absolutely no surprises when we got married.   None.  The man who courted me was the man I ended up giving my heart to and he still hugs me every day and tells me he loves me every day and looks at me with eyes of adoration.  So I DO believe that putting God first; putting His desires and EXPECTATIONS for my life, above all else, WORKS!

So, you can continue to have sex with Mr. C…  or you can get to know the real man and see if you really are settling.  Now ask yourself…  Am I settling?  Never forget that God loves you, that Jesus has saved you and you are PRECIOUS enough to have blood spilled for your life.  Use it wisely!  #GodlyWomen

#GodlyWomen  I once had a single friend who would put on a brave face for a few months and then when the loneliness overtook her, she’d break down in heart-wrenching tears and just sob, “Why doesn’t anyone want me?  I don’t understand!  I have so much love in my heart to give!”

I think, as women, most of us can relate to that statement, “I have so much love to give!”  Giving love is a good thing, right?  We’re commanded to love one another, right?  But I want to ask you to think about something.  When you have so much love to give…  when you LONG to give your love away, isn’t your body one of the first things that you give to him?  Think about it.

I truly believe that God has a plan for every single one of our lives.  He has said it’s not good for man to be alone (however, I think He made women a bit stronger in this department.)  So if God has a plan but you are still longing for a mate, then doesn’t it make sense to figure out what God’s plan is for your life?  Doesn’t it make sense that once you start working with The Kingdom in mind, that if He believes you’re going to need help in fulfilling that goal, he will bring your teammate to you?

Yes, many of my readers are young moms and I was you, once.  Who has time to figure out God’s plan right now?  You’re wiping snotty noses, running to the doctor and trying not get fired because your son has had 3 ear aches in 4 weeks and your boss is not happy.  But I say to you that right now, God’s plan is to be the best Mom you can be and if other opportunities come along to be the hands and feet of Christ, that is a great thing for your children to see.  Keep your eyes on the Kingdom!  And just as an aside note, did you know that nobody will be married in Heaven? (Matthew 22:30-32)

So for right now, give to those who need it.  Find a way to use your spiritual gifts, whether it’s for your kids or for those around you.  You don’t know what your spiritual gifts are?  This link is one of my favorite sites for a Spiritual Gift test.  It takes about 45 minutes, but I love it:  http://www.kodachrome.org/spiritgift/  So, give of yourself.  It’s a great discipline to take with you into a marriage:  giving to others without becoming a doormat.

Once you enter into the new life of giving and truly becoming Kingdom-minded, once you start feeling a true calling on your life, you may be amazed at the people that He’ll bring into your life.  Maybe…  maybe…  Mr. Right?

I just learned today that the Hebrew meaning of manna is, “What is it?”  I was driving as I heard this and it really struck me.  Here were all of these people and they were complaining about not having food and then God promises that He will send bread for breakfast.  They go to bed in eager anticipation, thinking of the feast they were about to have and what do they wake up to?  The bread that God promised.  Manna was their word, not His.  “What is it?”   Not only did God send “bread”, he sent it with conditions on how it was to be gathered and how it was to be eaten.  Can you imagine going to bed in anticipation of a feast and walking out to this stuff laying on the ground?  I would imagine there was maybe…  disappointment?  Maybe they felt betrayed?  “What IS it?”  …and this was their breakfast for the 40 years they were in exile.

I started thinking about that and how often we question God.  How many times has He sent us blessings that sustain us and we have the audacity to question Him?  Seriously.  He has told us no sex outside of marriage.  He has sent STDs, Aids, broken hearts, unplanned pregnancies and when we find out there are consequences for our actions, and we question, “What is this?  I didn’t want this.  I didn’t ask for this.  I loved that man.  I just wanted someone to hold me for a night.  I thought he liked me.  I wanted him to love me.  He was hot…”  The list goes on and on why women sleep with men without that wedding ring on her finger.  “What is it?”

Sometimes I try to imagine God as He looks at us, loves us, knows what’s best for us as we look at our circumstances or our consequences in disbelief and then we look up and say, “What IS it?”  Is it like a knife through His heart?  It has to be.  He loved us enough to leave the awesomeness of Heaven and live the life of a carpenter’s son.  He loved us enough to die for us.  And we still say, “What is it?”  “Food” for thought, right?

“And as Aaron spoke to the whole congregation of the people of Israel, they looked toward the wilderness, and behold, the glory of The Lord appeared in the cloud. And The Lord said to Moses, “I have heard the murmurings of the people of Israel; say to them, ‘At twilight you shall eat flesh, and in the morning you shall be filled with bread; then you shall know that I am The Lord your God.'” In the evening quails came up and covered the camp; and in the morning dew lay round about the camp. And when the dew had gone up, there was on the face of the wilderness a fine, flake-like thing, fine as hoarfrost on the ground. When the people of Israel saw it, they said to one another, “What is it?” For they did not know what it was. And Moses said to them, “It is the bread which The Lord has given you to eat.” (Exodus 16:10-15)

#GodlyWomen

Many, many, many women (and men), both single and divorced, spend their “alone years” longing to be married.  I warn you sisters, allowing yourself to long and be discontent can become a habit.  So much so, that if/when you actually do get married again, you could easily find discontentment in your mate!

I know, I know.  I can hear you saying, “No, not me!  If I had a husband, I’d treat him like a King!  I’d make him so happy that he’d never hurt me.”  <Game show buzzer sound>  WRONG ANSWER!!

First of all, if you can wake up in the morning and just concentrate on God’s will and your family and/or job and find satisfaction at the end of the day…  maybe you’re actually ready for a husband!  Your heart should be overflowing with contentment so that you actually bring that into a marriage.  Guess what?  Then you won’t find yourself trying to PROVE that you’re worthy of his love…  You already know that you are.

Next, and this is important.  If you squander your singleness by longing for a mate, instead of longing to be in the middle of God’s will, how many opportunities are you going to miss out on?

And did you know that the act of longing for something, the feeling of your desires not being met, can become habit!  I’m dead serious.  So if Mr. Right actually does come into your life and you get married…  it’s hard to handle his flaws.  And YES he will have some, I promise!  Within a few years, you’ll find yourself longing for the greener pastures of being single…  Staying discontent is habit-forming.  Break the habit before you bring it into a marriage.  A mate will not ‘fix” you.  You need to be content already and you know what?  It will be one more thing that he’ll love about you.

Proverbs 21:9

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

#GodlyWomen

I know we have Godly men that read this, but I’m speaking to the women in VERY general terms.  So please don’t take this personally!  OK, here goes…

Everyone knows that the following are possible (probable) consequences of sex outside of marriage:

•  Unwanted baby(ies)
•  STDs
•  Broken heart

Those are rough enough, but I’d like for you to ponder on the following:

Once a woman has sex with someone outside of marriage, it’s instant intimacy.  There’s no need to hide your body, or put on makeup, or even (for some people), close the bathroom door!    Relationships seem to slide into a routine WAY too soon.  Things get into a rut that focuses on sex and only sex.  Pretty soon you’re staying at home and no longer going on dates.    Assuming you don’t move in together, you still find yourselves spending all your time at one home or the other.  The woman starts getting antsy and starts nagging or starts become introspective wondering if this man really loves her enough.  Maybe you get all dressed up for a Saturday night date, and you end up watching TV instead.  You start wondering if he’ll ever propose!

The guy, of course, is pretty content!  Why would he want to rock the boat?  But yet, at a deeper level, there’s even more going on.  God has not blessed this union, so even if the guy is not a Christian, there’s a level of respect he’s lost for her.  Little things like holding doors open, saying “thank you”, “please”, “after you” gradually come to a disappointing halt.

But ladies, I can tell you this…  If you hold out for the man who’s willing to live his life doing God’s will and LIVING his life inside of God’s will, those “little things” stay as a part of your marriage.  Yes, after a few years, things should start falling into a routine, but the common courtesies that were there BEFORE the marriage, STAY there because your husband didn’t use these courtesies to get you into bed.  He continues to use them because they are a part of who he really is.  Does that makes sense?  I hope so.  If I can get one person to pause and look at her life and where she wants it to be, then my passion and desire to help will not be for naught!

God bless each and every one of you.  Never forget that you are loved by the Creator of this earth and the Author of your life!

#GodlyWomen

I remember after 11 years of being married and going out “into the world”, I discovered REAL sex.  My husband was my “first” and I didn’t have much experience beyond that.  No we did not wait to have sex.  If I had told him no, we would never have been married.  (There’s something to be learned here, ladies!)  There were good and bad things about getting back into the dating world and not knowing The Truth.

Back then, I truly believed that only virgins were supposed to wait to have sex.  I had never picked up the Bible and I even had the misbegotten notion that the word “fornication” meant cheating on someone.  Wow.  I could say I was really stupid, but I was just very  ignorant.  I had never sought out the truth.  But God had to allow me to go down some really bad, lonely, and even immoral paths in order to WANT to seek out the truth and LEARN!  So I learned things the hard way first…

I learned that sex can be GREAT!  Who would have thought that would be a revelation after years of marriage?  But I also learned a few things the hard way.  (I’m very hard-headed).  I learned that if I had sex with a guy the same night I met him, that it would DEFINITELY be a one-night stand.  (duh…)  Wasn’t THAT a no-brainer (I say this, looking back with 20/20 glasses).  I learned  that when a guy didn’t call, it HURT!  I felt used.  I learned that if they did want me around, it was only for one thing and that lasted until something new came along.  Most of these are no-brainers for mature, Christian women.  But I wasn’t a Christian, though I thought I was.

Have you ever glued two pieces of construction paper together?  Visualize pasting a piece of pink paper to a piece of blue paper.  Let the glue dry.  Now pull the pieces of paper apart.   You can’t?  It tears?  It also leaves pieces of blue on the pink and pieces of pink on the blue.  This is symbolic of sex.  It’s meant for marriage (no tearing or holes)!  Every time a man and woman have sex, they are “one”.  If you have a one-night stand, you have just permanently torn a small piece of your soul!  If you’ve slept with man after man and he’s slept with a lot of women…  that’s a lot of tearing.

Now picture taking those same pink and blue pieces and gluing them to other pinks and blues.  Try to take them apart.  There are now other pink pieces on blue pieces on pink pieces, etc. etc.  Get the picture?  it’s the same with sex.  We’re tearing our souls and leaving pieces, whether it’s in our emotional love tanks, unwanted memories that pop up, unwanted men that pop up, diseases, or even unwanted pregnancies.  That’s a lot of risk for a few moments of unblessed behavior, isn’t it?  This is true whether you’re a 16-year-old virgin or a 55-year-old divorced woman.

God has a wonderful plan for sex.  He has a definite and wonderful plan for YOU!  I would love it if anyone of you would take a pink and blue piece of construction paper, glue them together in a way that you can see both colors and then frame it somehow.  This would be a definite reminder of God’s plans.  You could even write a Bible verse on it or below it.

Here are some suggestions:

Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “The two,”  He says, “shall become one flesh.” (1 Cor 6:16)

…Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. (1 Cor 6:13b)

Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.  (1 Cor 6:19-20)

Be blessed, my sisters and please place some weight on this advise.  It’s sent to you with the truest of concerns and love.  You are loved by our wonderful Creator.  Embrace it and rejoice!  God bless!

I truly, truly believe that one of the worst things that can happen to people in general, but single women, in particular, is letting fear stop us from doing things. We talk ourselves out of trying something, going somewhere, or making life-changing decisions because of fear. Did you know that the commandment, “Fear not…” is in the Bible 365 times?

I believe, to the bottom of my heart, that it’s in the moments that we’re feeling fear and we do it anyway that we start freeing ourselves to live the life God has in mind for us! And for those that were raised by a single Mom, doesn’t that fear also keep us trapped in the same life that we watched our Mom live? Part of that reason is we saw life lived a certain way AND our Moms, God bless them, may be putting their fears onto us with well-meant advice…

Ladies! Fear is a tool used by the enemy and it keeps us stuck in our ruts! If you are experiencing a life full of shackles, I challenge you to do something different today and tomorrow and the next day! As long as the result is breaking free of something; if it means a better life for you and yours; or even if it only brings a few minutes of fun; or maybe someone else is blessed… then DO it! Pray about the shackles that bind you and keep you rooted in your rut. Pray to our most powerful Father. God does not keep us in our shackles. It is Satan, through and through.

So here is another challenge. You did something for someone yesterday, right? (If not, do it today!) Today pray for freedom in Christ. Pray that the rut you are in releases you. Now that may mean it fills with water so that you can float out.  Hang on!  You’re not drowning! Let God be God. He loves you so much.  He’s your eternal floating device!

So why not start with a new schedule? Call your church or a local hospital or Women’s shelter and see if they need a volunteer.  If you’re  a single Mom, maybe there’s something you can do with your child’s school.  Maybe there’s another single Mom who just needs a break.   Pray about it and do what God leads you to do. And when you feel that familiar fear creeping in as you get out of your comfort zone, just say, “I love you, Lord.” The darkness can not stay in the presence of Light!

God bless you, my sisters!